Living with Grief
How to Survive the Death of a Loved One
Part 1: About Grief
After my mother died, I attended a 6 week hospice grief support group, and a couple of months later attended the whole six weeks again! Despite the fact that I’d been a bereavement counselor myself and knew a lot about grief, it made a world of difference to feel the support of others going through the experience of loss. We all need to be “accompanied” through difficult life passages, and my hope is that this article will help to support those of you who are facing the formidable task of recovering from the death of a loved one. Although we grieve many losses throughout a lifetime, such as losing a job or a home, the death of a loved one is especially difficult. It is probably the most painful of all human experiences. Whether it is a parent, child, friend or a pet, a whole host of feelings is triggered by loss, and the only way to truly heal from the loss is to fully experience those feelings.
Everyone’s journey through grief is unique and no two people will grieve in exactly the same way. There are, however, reactions to loss which are common to everyone. Knowledge of these responses can ease the way considerably by letting us know that our feelings and thoughts are normal and expectable. Since grief can sometimes make us feel as if we are “going crazy”, it can really help to know about the complex set of reactions which are a part of the territory. This knowledge can also help us to flow with the feelings of grief rather than trying to suppress them. The only way to get through grief is to go straight into the heart of it!
For support through the experience of grieving, we offer the following topics:
Part 2: Characteristics and Symptoms of Grief
Part 3: Tips for Dealing with Grief
Internet Grief Resources
Meditation Oasis Podcast — listen to various guided meditations, including a special guided meditation for grief
http://www.griefhealing.com/ — our favorite — lovely, informative website
http://www.hospicenet.org/html/bereavement.html — especially well-written and informative website
http://www.americanhospice.org/griefzone/articles/helpingself.htm — how to help yourself with grief
http://www.griefnet.org/library/biblio/index.html — extensive book list by topics
http://www.compassionatefriends.org/ — support with the death of a child
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I lost my 27 year old son in a car accident on June 28, 2008. I am still dealing with a lot of grief, sadness and depression.
I’d like to know what it takes to become a grief counselor. I feel that my experience may help someone else.
Thanks
I’m so sorry to hear of your loss. You certainly learn a lot about the territory of grief when you sustain a loss like this. Your experience certainly can help you to help someone else. Perhaps you are in a support group and can see how you are all able to support one another.
Usually a grief counselor has the training of any other counselor such as a psychologist or social worker. Practicing counseling requires some sort of licensing. A good way to explore going into counseling would be to volunteer at your local hospice. That way you would get some experience supporting others and it would help confirm that direction for you.
Your hospice might require that you wait a year from the time of the loss before you volunteer to help others. You can check with them. The loss of a close family member is huge — it takes a long time to heal. The loss of a child is particularly difficult. I wish you well with this.
I feel sort of silly with this other person have lost a child. However my loss is very real to me & the whole in my life without my Trinity is devastating she was a wonderful Corgi my Trinity and I lived & loved together for 13 plus years I am having a hard time going on? I loved her so & a sweeter dog you will not find ever. I wish I could stop crying over her. Every time I look at her picture I breakdown & sob. People have been very kind saying you’ll get over it Or remember the good times. I want the good times back I want her here with me. Now again I am crying …Please if you have some ideas I will listen I have 2 other Corgis that are fun dog but they are not my Trin.
The loss of a beloved pet can be just as painful as losing a (human) loved one. The only way through grief is to feel those difficult feelings that you are having now. In time the pain should lessen, but it does take time.
People are well-meaning, but it may not help to hear “you will get over it” or “remember the good times”. It helps when we know someone really hears how painful it is and is present with us as we grieve. Perhaps you could find a grief support group. Sharing grief with others who understand can help.
I want to thank you for putting in time and effort of looking up these things and compiling a useful tool for those in need. This past October I lost my girlfriend. I believe that she was my first true love. I’ve been in other relationships since, but none are the same. Even still I find myself waking up thinking about her and before I fall asleep she is always the last thing that runs through my mind. It’s so hard because I’m only 18 and none of my friends have dealt with something like this. I feel there’s no one to talk to. I’ve read through this and it’s somewhat comforting knowing I’m not the only one that feels this way.
I am so sorry you lost your girlfriend, Jake. I know it’s very painful. It can really help to be in a grief support group. Your local hospice might be able to direct you to one. Also, on our Meditation Oasis website, we have a Guided Meditation for Grief you can listen to. Maybe it will help. You are very mature to be able to recognize and express your grief, as well as to reach out for help. I wish you well.